Tag Archives: buddhist

Help! What more can i do?

“I’ve done everything possible”

“I’ve done my best”

“It’s still happening”

“I can’t bear anymore”

Do these thoughts sound familiar?

Are you in a situation where you feel paralysed with frustration, a turbulent situation with your troubled teenager (T.T) which seems to be beyond your control? (This can apply equally to any other 24/7 close relationship e.g. partner or dependent relative)

Here’s my advice: go and sit down!

Elf sitting crop

“WHAT?” I hear you say “How will that help?” Continue reading

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What ? Me?

Yes You!

Are you sure?

Let’s check if this is for you…………

Are you interested in being:

a)Happier?

b)Less anxious or stressed?

c)More relaxed?

d) Healthier?

If you answered “Yes” to any of the above questions then this article is definitely what you need. Continue reading

(Un)Comfortably Numb.

“This is not who I am

I have become comfortably numb”

 

Do you ever look at your loved ones and wonder where your warm, loving feelings have gone?

Feel isolated from those once close to you, or suddenly become overwhelmed by a resurgence of the love you once felt for someone but which seemed to have faded recently?

Fading heart

“Love” as we usually define it, can be a fickle thing, bewildering us by its apparently random appearance and disappearance. It is often said that “Love makes the world go round”, and it is certainly the basis on which we build our families and close relationships, so how can it prove so fickle and elusive?

Is there anybody in there”?

Why do we sometimes look at our loved ones and feel (un) comfortably numb? We often appease ourselves with thoughts such as:

“this is just the way it is in ‘real’ life”,

“after all these years……”,

“could be worse..”,

“well after all we’ve been through” ,

““The way they’ve been behaving….…””

This indicates we are becoming numb to our potential to feel warm and loving more (if not all ) of the time. “This is not who I am”, is the truth of the matter, we are capable of much more. Continue reading

This toolkit doesn’t work properly!

What is a toolkit?

Toolkit

In the ‘old days’ a toolkit was considered to be :

” A set of tools to be used for a particular purpose”, or

“A personal set of resources, abilities or skills”

In our modern world we now have the addition of:

“Software designed to perform a specific function, especially to solve a problem”

With either definition I think we can agree that a toolkit is to help us perform a task or solve a problem. The skills we have been learning throughout our life to help us survive our modern world could be considered to be a ‘toolkit’, a set of mental strategies for making our way through life dealing with any hardships or problems that may occur and hopefully having a happy time on the journey.

So just for a bit of fun, here is a teeny questionnaire:

( you wont need a pen and paper!)

1. Your partner/relative/ friend is bad-tempered Angry man

and giving you a hard time, do you:

a) get angry and shout louder than them.

b) phone a friend and complain angrily about the situation

c) slam out of the door and stomp up the stairs.

d) decide they are having a bad day and be calm and patient with them.

2. You have had a piggy day / week and decide you need a coffee and cake treat. The cake, though it looks nice is dry, tasteless and unenjoyable. Do you:

Cakea) buy another, then feel sick after overeating.

b) dwell on your misfortune and feel even more fed up

c) complain loudly to the waitress in no uncertain terms

d) decide you are experiencing some unfortunate Karma and accept patiently.

3. You don’t get the job position you were hoping for. Do you:Hungover

a) feel gutted, miserable, get depressed, have a few too many drinks

b) think of all the reasons why the other person shouldn’t have what you deserved

c) feel very jealous and vow to avoid the other person forever

d) try to develop some good feeling for their good fortune.

Now here’s the scoring:

Answers a) b) c)………………………. Score 0

Answer d)……………………….Score 10 points

Results:

If you scored 0:  you are using the wrong toolkit to enable you to live a happy life.

If you scored 10 or above: you have started to collect the necessary mental tools in your toolkit which will lead you to a happy life.

Explanation:

During our brief lives we become familiar with certain mental traits or behaviours which we think will enable us to succeed in our society and establish the  life we wish to experience, we could call this our ‘mental toolkit’. Continue reading

Happiness and the Little Rag Doll.

Once upon a time there was a little rag doll sitting on a market stall in Ormskirk.

Unknown to the little rag doll there was a family on the train from Liverpool for a day trip to Ormskirk, a mother,father,baby boy and a 6-year-old girl. On these day trips the children were usually allowed to pick a present to take home, so long as it wasn’t too costly.

The little girl fell in love with the rag doll, it had a smiley face and long shiny black plaits, the best plaits the girl had ever seen.

All day the parents asked her to pick another present as the doll was a little more than they wanted to pay, yet the girl could not imagine life without the rag doll. How could she ever be happy without the rag doll? How could she leave it there and go home alone? She felt pain at the very thought of it. She loved this doll, it was all she ever wanted or needed to be happy, forever. Nothing else could ever measure up to this doll, no other present in the whole world would be the same, make her feel so full of love and happiness. She would cuddle it, love it, and her whole life would be filled with joy.

Rag doll

Her parents relented, she took the doll home on the train, amazed at its beauty, its beautiful face and shining black plaits. She didn’t let it out of her sight for some time. Continue reading

Sticks and stones may break my bones……..

..but words will never harm me.

Right?

We have known this simple rhyme since childhood but how often do we get ourselves into trouble by unnecessary responses to words that don’t harm us?

When we live in close proximity to others, their cute little habits and idiosyncrasies may lose their charm when experienced 24/7. In addition to this when somebody in your family is experiencing some form of stress, irritability or mood swings, their responses and behaviour can become erratic, careless and hurtful.

How great is the temptation to fire a caustic comment in response?

Burning arrow

“How dare he / she speak to me like that” and a million other thoughts flash through our head, before we know it we are verbalizing an unpleasant aggressive response just to “let them see who’s boss”. Continue reading

Enter stage left: setting the scene.

The first few seconds of parenthood must be different for everybody, for me it seemed truly miraculous. Not only was I meeting the little person who had been safely tucked away for 9 months (and a bit extra, every one, obviously far too comfortable by far!) but I seriously never believed any human could experience that much pain, yet still be alive. But like parenthood, childbirth is a very individual experience. (I’m sure the babies themselves would agree.)

Luckily for me, my three full term babies were all healthy and perfectly formed, despite having suffered previous miscarriages.
New baby

How perfect they were! Completely different, yet each completely perfect. Snuggled up in their little sleepsuits, warm and cuddly with that distinct baby smell. All my senses were totally intoxicated….that is until the highs of new motherhood were replaced a few weeks later with lack of sleep, exhaustion and another erratic turn in the hormone situation.Obviously I had the karma to enjoy the benefits of three children who didn’t believe in a full nights sleep until they were about 1-year-old.

Yet still I was totally attached to this new appearance of a permanently perfect being in my life.

How proud is a new parent? Isn’t our baby better than any other baby in the world? Aren’t they going to remain that way permanently, for ever? We just know that they will be bright, happy and perfectly behaved. We love them so much, they will love us back in return and never do anything to disappoint us, never get in trouble, never be disruptive, and certainly never hurt us. Hindsight is a marvellous thing, what unrealistic expectations we can have! (more coming later)

Once we step through the door into parenthood our lives become an emotional rollercoaster…………….. Continue reading